The light bulb
by Spyder1070
Summary: Who'd of thought that changing a simple light bulb, could be that hard to do? FINISHED.
1. No rest for the wicked

Murdoc is sitting quietly in the passenger seat of the Winnie, humming to himself while torturing his home made 2D voodoo doll. He takes a drawing pin between his taloned fingers, and rolls it slowly, while thinking about where to place it in the doll. He lifts his eyes for a moment, and gazes out the windscreen, to the car park, still rolling the pin back and forth. Finally making his decision, he looks back down at the doll in his other hand, and jabs the pin hard into it's forehead. A satisfied smile creeps up the corners of the Bassists mouth, and he reaches for another pin.

After a while, and having run out of pins to jab into the unfortunate doll. Boredom has set in and the old man is now quietly puffing on a cigarette. Taking a final drag, he butts it out in the overfull ashtray near him, and taking the doll with him, stands up and walks over to one of the cabinets above the sink. Elbowing the zombie lady aside, he opens the cabinet door directly above them, and tosses the voodoo doll far into the back of the compartment. From the corner of his eye, he watches the zombie lady shaking beside him, looking anxiously down at her own doll in the sink, then back back up to the doll he'd just thrown into the cabinet above them. The old man sneers at her nervousness, his top lip curling back over his shark-like teeth, and he shuts the door again. Stepping back a little from the sink he watches as she nervously wrings her gloved hands, now rapidly looking from him to her precious doll.

"Yeah, you better watch yourself. Or I just might make your stupid doll my next victim. Ya got me"? He snarls cruelly at her. She wrings her hands even tighter, and gives him a short series of quaking nods. Then quickly reaching out to the sink, snatches her doll from the water and cradles it close to her chest. Waving the frightened zombie off, he looks down the aisle to the Winnies side door, just as his stomach begins to growl loudly with hunger. He pats it reassuringly and begins to wonder whether he should just drown it with more booze, or head off to the kitchen and see if Russel had bothered to leave anyone else some food? After a moments thought, he finally decides to go on a food hunt instead. Thinking maybe he'd bump into 2D on the way, and see if his _'Voodoo magic'_ had done it's job.

Casually striding to the door, and in no great hurry, his stomach protests loudly again, as he opens the Winnie door. He steps down into the car park and shuts the door behind him, before reaching down and comforting his stomach again. Frowning a little at it's impatience.

"Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time". He growls softly at it, turning and stepping towards the corridor door. He pulls open the door and steps inside, just as the over head light flickers and threatens to go out for a second, making the Bassist look over and up at it. 'This place.... is falling apart'. He thinks to himself as he walks through the dank hallway towards the bulb, which was now flickering with a strange yellowish glow. Finally standing underneath it, he reaches up to give it a few taps with one of his long talons, to see if that was all it needed to get it working properly. But just as his hand is close enough for him to tap the bulb, it brightens immensely, fizzles a little, then with a sharp pop. Goes out, leaving the Bassist standing in total darkness.

"Ah nads!"! he snaps. Turning around and guided only by the crack of dirty light filtering it's way under the car park door, he fumbles his way down the corridor, trying to get back to his wagon. He remembers on one of his drunken searches for Absinthe, he'd seen a light bulb in there. Not sure if it was blown itself, he decides to look for it again anyway.

2D almost falls through the corridor door, after having fumbled his way through the dark, trying to get back to the car park and his room. He wipes his hands down the front of his jeans, and looks up just in time to see a cushion shoot out of the Winnie, and sail through the air past him. He watches it bounce across the floor and tumble to a stop, beside some beer barrels next to the pillar near his room. Looking back at the Winnie, 2D can see Murdocs scattered belongings strewn across the car park floor, and carefully tiptoes between them. Curiously he peeks in through the door and sees the zombie lady sitting on the bench seat, clutching her doll and rocking back and forth, sobbing because she knows she's going to be the one who has to clean up all the mess Murdoc is making.

"Fuck it! I know it's round here somewhere"? The Bassist growls, tearing out one of his bedside drawers and upending it onto the floor. A light bulb rolls out from the pile and comes to a rest by his knee. "Ahhh, gotcha"! He grins with glee, snatching it up with his taloned fingers. 2D suddenly remembers what it was he wanted to tell the old man, and points back to the corridor.

"The light in the corridors gone, Muds". he says, turning in the direction he's pointing. Murdoc snatches his head around and looks back in the direction the voice is coming from. But not being able to see past the toilet wall to the door, he stands up. Kicking random bits of paperwork, and miscellaneous objects out of his way.

"I know that Dullard. Whacha think I'm doin' here? Spring cleaning?" he snaps as 2D comes into view. The Keyboardist stops pointing and turns back to the old man, thinking. Then looks all around him and inside the wagon at the mess the Bassist has made.

"I dunno? But ya Winnie was sort'a cleaner before Muds. So I don' fink you did a good job.... I f'ought that zombie lady woz ya maid anyway."? He replies, pointing at the still trembling creature on the bench seat. Murdoc looks down at 2Ds blue head, and moans softly in frustration, wondering why he bothers to say anything at all. He steps forwards and kicks out at him, scooting him back and out of the doorway.

"G'on git you"! He snaps, as 2D quickly jerks back from the booted mans feet, finally positioning himself a good distance from the door. Reaching for the torch he'd found early in his light bulb hunt, and placed on the table for safe keeping, the old man picks it up and jumps down from the wagon.

"My head hurts". 2D moans, looking down at the floor, while rubbing the back of his his head. Murdoc looks back at the Winnie and remembers what he'd been thinking about going to the kitchen in the first place. He smiles and brushes past the young man, thinking how easier 2D had made it by coming to him directly instead.

"And I'm s'pose to care? Shuddup and take a pill, ya moron". he snarls with a smile, opening the corridor door. 2D sighs and shoves his hands deeply into the pockets of his jeans, leaning back up against the wall outside the corridor, as Murdoc walks inside. Flicking on the torch he walks over to the faulty globe, tucking it's replacement into the front pocket of his trousers, for safe keeping while he removes the old one. He places the end of the torch between his teeth and carefully reaches up to the globe with one hand, while holding onto it's shade with the other, manoeuvring the torch in his mouth so he can see what he's doing. The globe comes free and Murdoc takes the torch from his mouth again, shining it onto the components, so he can check it's truly blown. Seeing that it has, he takes the one from his pocket and replaces it. With a satisfied grunt, he walks back to the switch and flicks it to the on position. But nothing happens.

"Hmmm? That's not right"? he mumbles, flicking the switch rapidly on and off a few times more. "Should of come on on there..."? He adds, his voice fading off in confusion.

In the meantime, 2D has wandered off and gone back to his room for a lie down. Slightly annoyed at his persistent migraines, and Murdocs habit of making it out to bee all his fault for having them in the first place.

"Maybe if you hadn' of bounced a car off me bonce...."? He mumbles sarcastically to himself into his pillow.

"I wonder if it's a problem with the switch"? Murdoc says to himself as he marches to 2Ds door, studying the light bulb in his hand. He stops short of the door and shrugs, tossing the burned out bulb over his shoulder as he gives the Keyboardists door a few swift kicks.

"Wot"! 2D snaps at the door, barely lifting his head from the pillow. Murdoc looks sharply up at the door in front of him and grits his teeth hard. Bracing himself, he lifts his foot and with all his might thrusts it forwards again, breaking the latch. The door slams open, sending splinters of wood flying in all directions. 2D instantly slides off the bed, putting it between him and the angry Bassist standing in the doorway, gripping the shattered door frame tightly in his fingers.

"Did you just snap at me"? Murdoc demands, stepping into the room, clenching his fists. 2D rapidly shakes his head, wringing his hands and searching the fog in his mind for an excuse.

"No. I was just shoutin' so you'd hear me through the door Muds". he says suddenly, then drops his gaze to the floor, a little startled at just how plausible that sounded. Either way Murdoc accepts it and stands up a little straighter, his angry mask melting away as the old man considers it.

"Oh. Fair enough then. Now gitcher arse out here, and help me fix this damned thing". He replies, crooking his finger at the young man, and walking out the door again. "And bring a screwdriver"! he adds, heading back to the dark corridor. 2D silently mouths the word 'Screwdriver'? As he searches under his bed. After about ten minutes, he eventually comes across one he'd borrowed from Russel and failed to return, and walks out to the Winnie with it.

The zombie lady has made a bit of progress with the cleaning, and most of the carnage on the floor has now been put away again. She looks over at the blue head in the doorway, but doesn't really pay it much mind, as she once again returns the books in her hands to one of the over head compartments. 2D searches as much as he can from where he is, but can't see the old man. So he steps up into the wagon and looks down the aisle towards Murdocs bed. But the old man isn't there either, scratching his head he shrugs and turns back to the door, stepping down and out again into the car park.

In the corridor, Murdoc is sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. The torch in one hand, a cigarette in the other. He rests his forearms on his bent knees and flicks the torch on and off again. Impatiently waiting for the young man, he occasionally shines the light down towards the car park door. He brings his cigarette to his mouth again and draws heavily, almost sighing the smoke out and wondering what was keeping the young man.

"Glad I didn't ask him to bring me a replacement lung. Would'a carked it by now". He grumbles to himself, tossing the spent cigarette down near his foot and twisting his ankle around to crush it out. Finally the door opens and 2D pokes his head inside. The dim light from the car park floods the small area just inside the door, but the Keyboardist has just enough light to see the outline of the Bassist sitting on the floor.

"Oh there ya are". 2D remarks brightly, stepping into the room. Murdoc rolls his eyes and clambers to his feet again, slowly shaking his head in disbelief at how slow minded he finds the Keyboardist to be.

"Yes 2D. Isn't it remarkable? I'm exactly where I need to be to fix the bloody light switch". He growls dryly. "Now git over here and gimme that bloody screwdriver"! He adds angrily. 2D quickly moves to him, dropping the tool into Murdocs waiting hand and stepping back a short distance.

He hands the young man the torch and tells him to focus the light on the switch, so that he can see what he's doing. 2D complies and watches as Murdoc removes the screws, holding them in his hand as they're passed to him. He thinks for a moment and is sure there is something wrong with this picture, but can't focus through the pain in his head. Instead, the Keyboardist gets a rather nice image of an ocean wave, decides it's much nicer to think about, so zones into it. After just a small amount of difficulty, the Bassist removes the last screw, and pulls the panel carefully from the wall. 2D in his zoned out state has let the light drop to the floor and Murdoc finds he can't see the wires inside any more, so he gives the young man a quick clip in the ear to snaps him out of his daze.

"Wake up Dullard! Or you'll get us both electrocuted here. And personally, the idea of dyin' with you, don't turn me on one little bit". he snarls, grabbing 2Ds hand and refocusing the light where he needs it to be. 2D looks at the panel and then at the wires worming their way from the hole, and suddenly realizes what it was he was trying to think of before.

"Ummm, Muds? Shouldn't you....?" he begins to say, but Murdoc is far too busy looking carefully at the connections, trying to work out if any of them are faulty to listen. 2D has let the light drop again and the Bassist moves quickly as if about to hit him again, making the young man cringe away and stop talking.

"Light D, light! Are you tryin' to kill me"? snaps the old man, reaching into the hole with the wiring. Not seeing that some of them are exposed a little further back than he could see, he grabs hold to pull the bundle out a little further for a better look.

There is a sudden fizzing sound and the light bulb overhead flashes to life for a brief second, then explodes. Muds jerks and shakes erratically in a rather bizarre dance, startling 2D and making the young man jump well back and away from him. He watches Muds for a second, before a sudden brilliant flash of logic tells him to do something. So he raises his foot and kicks Muds hard in the side. Knocking the Bassist sideways and freeing his grip on the exposed wires. 2D moves quickly to the unconscious man and drags him by his legs into the car park. Thinking that the further he gets him away from there, the better, and at least he could see better in the light. He looks down at Muds and can see his fingers are burned a little, but isn't sure if he's alive or dead. So he kneels down beside him, and checks for a heart beat, relieved to find the old man still has one, he sits up and shakes the old man gently.

"Murdoc? Murdoc? Are you ok?" he asks. For a moment he's not quite sure he really wants Muds to wake up with him sitting there. He'd made that mistake before when waking the old man from a long night of boozing, to tell him he had a phone call. Startled the Bassist had swung around with a fist and knocked the Keyboardist across the room. But he looks down at the still sizzling Bassist and is concerned enough to stay. Muds groans and moves a little, his eyes flickering wildly as he seems to be trying to focus on the room. 2D takes this as his cue to stand and prepare to run. But the old man doesn't come to straight away, and seems to of faded back into unconsciousness again. 2D looks carefully around the car park, then kicks Muds sharply in the side, hoping this would wake him up. Murdoc remains unconscious, the young man looks down at him again, thinking of all the times Muds had kicked him. So he gives him two more sharp kicks in the side. Quite surprised with how good that felt, he kicks him again, this time just for fun. Murdoc suddenly sits up sharply, snapping his eyes open and staring straight ahead as if frightened of something.

"No! I don't want to go there! It's too nice"! the Bassist shouts, startling 2D and making him jump back away from him. Murdoc quickly looks about and slowly his eyes and his mind focus again, and he realizes where he is. "Wha' happened?" he asks quietly. 2D raises an eyebrow and looks at the smouldering man, not sure exactly what to make of what he'd said before.

"Umm? You grabbed the wires and went funny." 2D responds, sure this is the trigger for a beating, because this would be the moment Murdoc would typically blame him, he braces for impact, cringing away. But Murdoc just looks down at his hands and doesn't move.

"Oh... I don't feel well D". he responds softly, and tries to get up. 2D blinks at him from behind his arms, before moving to help Murdoc to his feet. The smell of burning flesh and scent of rank Murdoc, mingling and making him feel a bit nauseous, but he swallows the feeling down and holds the old mans weight for a moment. Now on his feet, the Bassist shakily makes his way to the Winnie. "Maybe, I'll just have a lie down"? He says to the now completely perplexed young man, as he reaches for the door. 2D steps ahead of him and opens it for him instead, taking his arm and helping him up inside.

"Maybe a shower first will help to"? He asks him, wondering if the old man has blown a few brain cells as well as burning his fingers.

"Yes. That sounds like a good idea. I'll do that. Thank you". replies the old man happily and slowly he begins to make his way to the wagons small bathroom.2D closes the door and stands there dumbfounded.

Looking at the door, mouth agape, he shakes his head, not quite believing what he had just heard and witnessed. Not only is Murdoc quiet, he had said thank you, and is going to take a shower? 2D quickly checks his own pulse, convinced he must've somehow been struck by the electricity himself and died. Maybe he just hadn't noticed yet, and this is all somehow a dream? Suddenly the sound of rushing water from the Winnie fills the air. _'Murdoc __**is**__ havin' a shower'! _2D slowly makes his way back to his room and pulls a calender out of the draw beside his bed. He quickly counts back the days to the last time Murdoc had been known to take a shower, then grabs his laptop and logs into the bands official forum, to tell everyone about the remarkable event. _'After all, this may be his last for a while. So we'd better mark it as an occasion for his fan girls'._ he thinks with a smile, as he begins typing his message.


	2. All the Kings horses

After a really rough night. Murdoc wakes to find he'd fallen out of bed and had been sleeping on the floor, with his face in the ashtray. He awkwardly sits up and peels a few ranom smoke butts off of his face, while spitting ash from his mouth. Slowly pulling himself up with the edge of the bed, he sits back and shakes his head while ruffling his hair. Still able to taste the ash in his mouth the old man stands up and drags his aching body to the bathroom.

"Ack! My back is killing me". He moans, as he massages and arches it in an attempt to make the vertebra pop into place again. He gazes up at his reflection and reaches for the mouth wash. Slugging back a mouthfull, he rinses thoroughly while grimacing in the mirror at himself about how bad it tastes. "Blergh! That's pretty rancid stuff"? He complains after spitting out in the sink. He wipes his mouth with the back of his arm as he reads the back of the bottle. Taking note that the useby date is out by six years, he raises an eyebrow and thinks hard about it for a moment. Finally coming to the conclusion he really doesn't care, he puts the bottle back in place by the sink and goes to the toilet. After finishing up and tucking himself back into his filthy underpants. The old man walks back to his bed and sits down again, looking about on the floor for his cigarettes. Seeing them poking out from behind one of his boots he reaches down to grab them and catches sight of his burned hand. Finally he sees how burned his fingers look and snatches his hand back again, turning it over and over trying to work out what had happened to them.

"My hand! Mah, my beautiful hand"! He stammers in shock. A faint image floats into his mind and he sees himself standing in a corridor, just about to tap a light bulb. Instantly he remembers what had happened to him and quickly gets dressed.

2D is sitting in the kitchen talking to Russel about zombies and why he thinks cannibals are different, when Murdoc slams into the room. The Bassist skids across the floor to a stop at the table, slamming one hand down on it while reaching over with the other, to a very startled 2D.

"What the fuck is this"? The Bassist screeches, holding the palm of his burned hand mere inches from 2Ds nose. The Keyboardist squints at it, shaking his head slowly.

"Um? A hand Muds"? He asks, lifting his arms ready to protect his head and face. Murdoc turns the hand to face him and looks at it, then thrusts it back into 2Ds face.

"My hand pillock! MY HAND"! He screams, spraying spittle into the young mans face. 2D turns his face away, and wipes at it with his arm.

"Yeah. I can tell coz it's attached to ya. Why are ya yellin' at me Muds"? He whimpers, looking from Murdocs hand to his face while gently and slowly trying to slide himself sideways off the chair. The Bassist sees his bid for escape and suddenly grabs him by the shirt, yanking him forwards into the table.

"Becaaaaaauuuuse"! He drawls, "It's burned beyond all recognition. And it's yoooour fault"! He tosses the unfortunate young man back into his chair and steps back, folding his arms over his chest in a huff. 2D smooths down his t-shirt looking over at the angry old man.

"No Muds. I saved ya...". 2D replies, slightly annoyed and confused. Thinking about it for a second longer, a thought suddenly comes screaming forwards at him. "Does that make us even"? Murdoc unfolds his arms staring at the young man incredulously.

"Bwah? Noooooo. It does **not** make us... Fuck you 2D"! the old man leaps forwards into the table just as 2D jumps back, with the old man flailing at him he cringes into a ball. Russel is holding the table down with his hand so it doesn't slide across the room, whereby taking the large mans breakfast with it. He looks over at the still flailing Murdoc, then turns his attention to the now uselessly flailing 2D. Given 2D is still hiding his face under one arm, he doesn't see Russel stand up and grab Murdoc by the back of his shirt and drag him from the room. Still swiping at the air with his other arm, he slowly looks up and sees he's alone.

"Oh. Now where did he go"? He asks, and looks under the table. Suddenly it occurs to him he's searching for a man who wants to strangle him, and he stops looking and creeps to the balcony door. Taking one last look into the kitchen he scrambles over the railing and drops down to the ground far below.

"Unhand me you bohemoth"! Murdoc snaps, trying desperately to reach back and grab Russels hand. But the Drummer keeps draging Murdoc, not letting the old man gain his feet. He finally stops at the end of the corridor and swings Murdoc round to face him.

"Dat cracker DID save yo life. He tol' me all 'bout it. And if'n he hadn'a dun wha' he did...."? Russel growls. Murdoc slaps his hand away from the back of his shirt and snorts at him.

"I KNOW THAT! It's this that I'm pissed off about"! He snaps, shoving his burned hand in the Drummers face. Russel grabs the hand and yanks it roughly back from his face and down a little, pulling Murdoc down with it. The Bassist almost falls from the momentum, gripping his shoulder and whincing. "Hey, hey, hey. Are you trying to finish me off ya bastard"? He adds with an almost pain filled growl. Russel looks up a little at him, but then turns his attention back to the burn.

"Bah! Jus' a scratch. Ya ain' got nuthin ta bitch 'bout dat I can see". He says and flings the Bassists hand back at him.

"Just a.... He's ruined me fer life"! He screeches incredulously, stamping his foot and making fists. "That's why I'm going to kill him"! He turns and moves to walk back into the kitchen, but Russel grabs him again and tosses him onto his shoulder.

"No ya ain'". He growls, and punches the button for the elevator. Murdoc kicks and rains punches down on the Drummer, struggling to be set free. But Russel ignores him and steps into the elevator when it arrives. "Yo goin'a leave dat cracker alone". He grumbles as the doors close again.

By the time the elevator has reached the lobby, Murdoc has given up struggling and is laying quietly on the large mans shoulder. Bracing his head with one hand, his elbow resting on Russels shoulder blade, while drumming his fingers on the large mans head. Russel steps out and looks about the room, trying to decide what to do with the persistant old man, deciding eventually to just return him to the Winnie instead.

"Are we there yet"? Murdoc snarls in annoyance. Russel growls at him and heads to the car park, doing his best to ignore the sound Murdocs drumming makes on his bald head.

Outside below the balcony, 2D is whincing and rubbing his left ankle after having fallen awkwardly and over flexing it. He slowly sucks in a breath between the gap in his teeth, and struggles to his feet. Looking around and wondering what to do next.

"Awwww, why me? Ow"! He limps off to the corner of the building and carefully peeks around it to be sure the coast is clear. Then limping as quickly as he can, moves up the side of the building to the front, checking again. "I don' really have no where ta go"? He wails softly. "Maybe I should just go back ta me room and hide under the bed"?

Russel yanks open the Winnies side door and tosses the old man inside. Murdoc falls against the bench seat, but surprisingly for an old man, quickly gains his feet and rushes the door again. Russel is surprised, but quickly shuts it on him, slamming the Bassist in the face.

"Yargh! You utter, utter bastard! That was my head"! The Bassist screeches, and after cradling his head for a moment, rushes the door again and tries to open it. Russel braces it with his whole weight, nearly toppling the vehichle onto it's side. Murdoc is suddenly tipped away from the door and slides back to the bench seat. Shocked, he spreads his legs wide and holds his hands out to brace himself. "ARGH! What the fuck are you doing"?! Russel moves his weight back, and the wagon drops back down onto all four tires again, blushing a little.

"Didn' a'tchully mean dat man. But if'n yo ass don' calm down? Dah nex' time I will. A'ight"? He calls back at him through the door. Murdoc stands up straight again and brushes himself down.

"Pillock. I'll calm down soon as that blue headed muppet is dead". He mutters, and flops himself down on the bench seat. "You're going to get huuuuuungry. Someone didn't finish his breeeeeakfast"! He sings sarcastically at the door.

"I 'ave some saaaaaaandwiches. In mah jacket pockeeeeets"! Russel sings back with a chuckle while leaning his back against the door, he then takes one of the sandwiches out and begins to eat it. "An' I go' a packet of biscuits an' a Coke to. He adds with a mumble, searching for them. Murdoc eyes the door and gives it a visual 'Huh'?

"Oh fer fucks.....". He growls giving himself a forehead slap. 2D suddenly pokes his head through the door and looks about the car park. Russel looks up instantly spotting him and frantically waves him away. 2D panics and dashes into the room and dances about, trying to work out where to run. Murdoc sees movement in the side window and jumps up, racing to it and yanking aside the curtains for a look. "YOU"! He screeches spotting the young man, and races to the side door again, kicking it repeatedly with all his might. Russel holds it and snaps his head around to the still panicing Keyboardist.

"Stop dancin' ya dummy an' run"! He growls as some of the kicks Murdoc is administering, actually begin to shift his weight. Murdoc stops kicking and grabs his stereo from the bench seat, lifting it high over his head and with a shout tosses it at the side window. It bounces off and rolls to a stop at his feet, but doesn't break the glass.

"ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH"! He shouts furiously, gripping his hair tightly in his hands. He looks up and sees the man hole. Opening it he jumps up and using his fore arm to brace himself, tears back the canvas. Russel hears the noise and steps back from the door, looking at the wagons roof. 2D has stopped dancing, but is now frozen in fear. Murdoc pulls himself up through the hole, but because it doesn't open all the way, gets caught on it by his belt buckle. Kicking frantically with his legs he tries to free himself, but can't. Russel looks back at the frozen Keyboardist and strides over to him.

"Whacha standin' dere fo'!? Run ya damn crazy cracker. If'n he gets his ass lose..."? He snaps at him, grabbing him by the arm and shoving him back to the corridor door. 2D finally snaps out of it and slams open the door, sprinting down the corridor and slaming open the door at the other end. Murdoc is still struggling to free himself, reaching back with his hands and yanking on his belt as hard as he can. But his efforts seem in vain as he just can't get lose. He kicks harder and harder, but in the end has to give in and just hang there exhausted.

"Cooooooor, me nads". He complains as the pressure of his trousers and his weight squashes them down hard into the seam. He presses his weight onto his forearm again to take the weight off and looks about for the Drummer. "Oi, fat guts. You still there"? He calls with just a small squeak in his voice. Russel growls and looks back up at the wagons roof.

"No' if'n yo keep callin' me dat I ain'". He growls back to him. Murdoc whinces and shifts his weight some more.

"Oh go on. It's a joke! Can'cha take a joke"? He says, attempting to laugh through his pain. Russel doesn't answer and the Bassist rolls his eyes realizing he's going to have to either apologise, or stay exactly where he is. "Fine, fine. Ahem! I'm sorry. Okay"? He says as pleasntly as he can. "Now can you get in here and HELP ME"! He screeches, struggling again. Russel smiles to himself and steps further back from the Winnie.

"Sho' I can. But first, I t'ink I might go finish mah breakfas'. I'm starvin'". He says and heads out the door. Murdoc laughs thinking he is joking and waits. When nothing happens after a while, his smile drops and the old man looks around again.

"Um? Hello? Russel"? He asks in a quiet voice. It doesn't take him long to realize the Drummer had actually gone. "YOU COMPLETE BASTARD! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE......"!


	3. Revenge is sweet

After having finally been released from his predicament five days ago. Murdoc has since then been working quietly in his Winnie. Fuming and plotting his revenge. He sits back from the notebook he's been scribbling furiously in and takes a drag from his cigarette. Looking down at the page, he makes a final stroke and smiling evilly to himself, picks up the book with one clawed hand and holds it out from him.

"Ahh, finished. This will teach those bastards a lesson." he growls with a chuckle in his voice. He signs the work and butts out his cigarette. Putting the ashtray back on the floor, he switches off the light and crawls into bed, pulling the blankets up and rolling over to get some sleep.

**PHASE ONE: Annoy Russel.**

The next morning, Russel has finished his breakfast and has decided to relax with some taxidermy. He plods quietly down the hallway with his hands deep in the pockets of his jacket. Thinking about finishing one of his earlier projects and deciding what sort of wheels to put on it this time, he opens the door and steps into the room. Taking off his jacket and hanging it on the back of a chair. The large man flips on the overhead lights and looks back over the room. Spotting the project in question, he walks over to it and takes it down from the shelf he'd left it on. He gives it a quick brush down with his huge hand and puts it down on the floor in about the centre of the room. Then walks over to his tool chest and rolls it closer to the project. Then heading back to the shelves he stores his spare parts on, the large man begins picking out the parts he wishes to use and returns them to the spot on the floor. He slowly sits down and pulls the project a little closer to him, then with a deep cleansing breath, smiles and opens his tool chest.

"I go' sum real good ideas fo' dis one. Shoul' be dun in no time". He says to himself, instantly he sees more than half of his tools are missing and he begins frantically searching all of the other compartments for them. "Damn man! Why can' dat cracker pu' mah stuff back when he's dun"?! He growls, thinking it must have been 2D who had taken them, as he had done so in the past when he'd needed to either build or repair one of his many miscellaneous keyboards.

The large man struggles back to his feet and searches the rest of the room, to be sure they indeed were missing, before gruffly walking to the door and heading into the hallway to find the absent minded young man.

**PHASE TWO: Oh suffer the blue headed moron.**

2D is sitting at the breakfast table in the kitchen, fast asleep. With his forehead on the table and both arms dangling limply from his shoulders under it, he snores loudly and occasionally makes a few happy noises. Russel walks in and sees him quietly giggling and snoring to himself, and approaches the sleeping young man. He reaches out with a meaty paw and raps his knuckles on the table next to 2Ds head and steps back. 2D snorts awake and sleepily lifts his head a little from the table.

"Muds... That Avon lady's back again". He moans still half asleep. Russel gives him the evil eye, but chooses to wait while 2D returns from whatever strange land his dreaming mind had just been in. Slowly 2D sits up and rubs at one of his eye holes with the heel of one palm, while yawning and stretching high up to the ceiling with the other. He gently shakes his head as he lazily drops his hands back in his lap and slowly his eyes focus on the room again. He looks up from the table top and sees Russel standing in front of him, with his arms folded over his enormous chest.

"Oh, allo. Is it lunch time or sumfink"? 2D asks, as he ruffles his blue hair and looks vaguely around the room. Not willing to wait any longer, the Drummer unfolds his arms and walks around the table to the young man, grabbing 2D by the arm and lifting him out of the chair.

"Yo ass is goin'a collect all'a mah tools an' put 'em back where yo foun' 'em. Ya dig"? He growls as he drops 2D to his feet again and pushes him ahead of him to the kitchen door. The young man furrows his brow and presses the kitchen door open as he's shoved along.

"Tools"? He says curiously. "But Russ. I haven't touched your tools in ages"? 2D adds with a shrug as Russel jabs a meaty finger at the elevator button.

2D and Russel finally open the door and step into the young mans bed room. Instantly they see the large Americans tools. What happens to be left of them that is, as they have all been welded together to form a huge sculpture in the centre of the room. They have also been spray painted a vibrant pink, with a few miscellaneous red and yellow stripes dotted here and there. A welder, mask and a few empty spray cans sit on the floor at the end of the Keyboardists bed. 2D and Russels mouths drop open in shock and utter amazement at the sight.

"I...? I...? Wow, that looks kind'a good". 2D remarks as he steps forwards and walks around the sculpture. Russel snaps his mouth closed and makes a tight fist with his huge hand, reaching back with the other and grabbing hold of the door handle. The Keyboardist looks up at him as he hears a low rumbling sound roll through the room, his smile drops from his face as he sees the insanely furious Drummer, step further into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Murdoc is at the sink in Kongs bathroom with some methylated spirits, washing pink, red and yellow spray paint from his hands.

**PHASE THREE: Annoy Russel some more.**

A couple of days, and a new set of replacement tools later. Russel has finished his taxidermy project and happy with the results has decided to go to his bedroom for a snack and a nap. He passes Murdoc on the way, looking rather pleased with himself, but can't be bothered asking the devious old man why he looks so unusually happy. So the large man lets it go and continues on his way.

As he enters his room, the large man removes his cap from his head and wipes the top of his bald head with his huge paw of a hand. Then dodging past a few fast food containers, heads to the coffee table for a box of cookies he'd left there earlier that day. Something catches his eye as he passes the small table, and he steps back a little, looking down at his record player on the floor.

**PHASE FOUR: Death from above.**

"Where's..."? he forgets about the cookies for a moment and begins searching high and low around his room, for his 'Mr Softy's Balloon Race' record. After tearing the room apart, he sits down on the lounge completely exhausted and annoyed at not being able to locate it. After a short rest, he stands up and decides to ask the others if they had seen it around somewhere. Heading straight up to Noodles room, he knocks and steps inside. The young girl is sitting quietly on her bed playing a game on her Gameboy, she looks up as Russel steps in and when she hears his question tilts her head thoughtfully to her shoulder thinking.

"No. I am sorry Russel. But I have not seen it". She shrugs and turns her attention back to her game. Russel sighs and heads down to the car park to ask Murdoc instead. Murdoc has just been cleaning glue off his hands and refuses to step out from his Winnie, choosing instead to shout at Russel through the door.

"What the fuck would I want with yer daft record. Just piss off and buy a new one.... (mumble) Botherin' me with yer shit.... (Grumble) Ya pillock"! Not willing to waste any more time and allow the Bassist to insult him any further, he waves him off and heads for 2Ds door. He knocks but doesn't receive and answer, so he wanders off to search for him. Just then, the young man opens the car park door and almost bumps into Russel on the way out.

"Oh... um? No Russ". He replies at the Drummers question as he opens his bedroom door. "I haven't seen...". Both men look up and see the wrought iron table setting in the centre of 2Ds room. Curious they both approach it. The top of the table has a rather nice mosaic on it and Russel begins to study it closely, as it appears to be made up of a mixture of broken coloured tiles, and a record. He spots the still partially attached label on one of the pieces and reads it. 'Mr Sof'. Slowly standing up straight, he glares at the confused young man. 2D points at the table as he slowly takes a deliberate step back.

"Heh, heh. I'm guessin' by the look ya given me... (gulp)". 2D watches as Russel once again walks to the door and closes it behind him, leaving the two of them inside alone.

Murdoc sits on the floor in the doorway of the Winnie, with his legs dangling over the edge and a bottle of Rum nestled in his clawed hand,. He sips on the Rum and listens to the _'Delightful sounds of a Dullard being squashed flat'. _Satisfied with the results, he pulls himself up to stand again with the door frame and pulls the door behind him slowly as he steps back inside.

"Told you I'd teach you summink". He grins and finally shuts the door


	4. All good things

It took a few weeks for things to settle down again in Kong. Russel had finally stopped grumbling at 2D about his stuff every time he either passed, or saw the young man. For 2D to stop flinching like he'd been punched in the arm every time Russel entered the room. Murdoc had even stopped smiling about how it had all worked out for him in the end. Noodle, well she was far too busy being Noodle to of even noticed there was a problem with any of her fellow band members in the first place. Murdoc makes his way to the guitar room, to try out a new piece of music he'd been writing recently. He takes his old battered note book and places it down on the stand in front of him, then picks up one of his numerous Bass guitars from the corner of the room and sits down. Turning the pages in his book to the piece of music, he stops for a moment at the plan he'd made to get Russel and 2D back for disrespecting him. He scans over it and chuckles quietly to himself, before turning the pages again to the one he'd originally been looking for, and starts playing. Noodle is quietly making her way down the hall from her bedroom with her favourite Tamagotchi, when she almost bumps into 2D coming the other way.

"Oh hi Noo. Have you seen Muds? Some guy rang this mornin' for him and I fergot ta tell him about it." The young man says, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. Noodle shakes her head and silently continues down the hall, pressing a few buttons on her electronic pet as she presses the button for the elevator with her elbow. 2D sighs heavily and follows after her, standing next to the young girl and watching her feeding the small creature on the screen.

"Is that a new one?" He asks, taking a hand from the pocket of his jeans and pointing at the device in the girls hand. Noodle looks up at him and smiles faintly.

"Hai. And before you ask, I wish to take care of this one myself. Okie?" She replies. 2Ds smile flinches a little and he slowly slides his hand back into his pocket again. The elevator arrives and they both walk inside, 2D taking a position at the very back as Noodle presses the button for the lobby. She looks back at him briefly and can see the dejected expression on his face, but is a little too busy with her pet to worry about asking him what the problem is. So she faces the front of the car again and ignores him. The elevator arrives at it's destination and Noodle steps out, walking to the front desk to see if she'd gotten any mail. She fails to notice that 2D hasn't moved from his place against the back wall of the elevator and that he doesn't seem to care when the doors close again taking him back up to the first floor.

Murdoc puts his guitar back in place in the guitar room and, forgetting his note book, walks out of the room on his way to the kitchen for a bottle of Vodka he'd noticed the other day. Seeing Noodle leaning up against the desk in the lobby with her Tamagotchi, he grins and decides to have a little fun with her.

"Hmm, that's one of those stupid Tamooo'goti, things. Isn't it?" He grins as he reaches out a clawed hand and snatches it from her. Noodle yelps and reaches up her hands, trying to take her electronic pet back from him.

"Murdooooc! I was doing something. Give it back." She wails, jumping up as he holds it out of her reach. He waves at her with his other hand, turning his body away and finally safe from her grip, looks at the small creature on the screen.

"I will. I just want to look. Okayyyy?" He grins. Noodle stops struggling with him and folds her arms angrily over her chest, hoping he won't do anything to her pet. "What does this button do?" He suddenly says and presses it. Noodle leaps forwards trying to see what he'd pressed, but Murdoc eases her back again with his hand on her shoulder.

"What did you do? I want to see." She says with panic in her voice. Murdoc turns back tossing the pet back at her shrugging.

"I have no idea. It made some stupid noise, blinked a bit and the blob on the screen grew wings. Dumb game if you ask me?" He replies and walks to the elevator. Noodle stares at the screen in shock for a moment, her body stiff with anger. The elevator arrives and Murdoc quickly steps inside, pressing the button.

"You horrible man! You killed it!" Noodle screams and leaps forwards, kicking the doors as they close while Murdoc waves at her through the gap with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Ohhh, so that's what that button was for." He chuckles, smiling to himself as he rides up to the first floor. When it arrives he steps out and turns to the kitchen door, pressing it open and marching inside. For a moment he doesn't see 2D sitting at the table, as he's much more interested in the bottle of Vodka he'd seen by the sink. It's only when he fails to see the bottle that he finally looks around the room. "Now where...?" He looks at 2D and sees the young man has the Vodka and a glass in front of him, and that the Keyboardist has already drunk more than half of the bottles contents.

"Muds." 2D says dryly, with hardly any effort at emotion. Murdoc slits his eyes and glares at the young man, watching as 2D pours himself another drink. He's just about to snarl at him, when he sees the Keyboardist slug back the straight Vodka and instantly pour another. Murdoc baulks and wonders what might of happened as he'd never seen 2D drink like that before. Sure he'd seen him drink, but not so dispassionately. He shrugs and sits down, leaning back in the chair and watching him for a moment.

"You gunna share that? Or do I have to hit you a few times first?" He chuckles, trying to get the young man to look up from the table at him. 2D blindly reaches back to the sink for a glass and finding one, practically throws it onto the table in front of him, slopping in some Vodka and sliding it down to the old man in one go. Murdoc catches the drink a little stunned, and eyes him curiously. "Okay. I give up. Wwwwwhat's the problem D?" He drawls. But the young man doesn't answer, he just sighs and shrugs lazily at him and slugs back another drink. Murdoc reaches out and takes the bottle away, determined to have the rest for himself. This makes the Keyboardist finally look up at him, and Murdoc tries to not act surprised.

"Everybody hates me Muds. And I didn' even do nufink." 2D almost wails. Murdoc slowly puts the top back on the Vodka not really all that impressed by the young mans outburst. But realizing that he had to keep 2D happy, he decides to give a little and pulls up some fake emotions.

"Now that's not true. What about all them little fan girls of yers hey? They think yer wonderful." He smiles, doing his best not to cringe at the thought. 2D looks up from the table at him and slides down in his chair a little.

"Not talkin' bout them." He pouts, slumping down and looking really small. "I'm talkin' bout Russel bashin' me for his tools getting' wreaked. And his Softy album getting smashed. I didn' do that Muds, honest. Least I don' fink I did? I'm sure I didn'!" He yells, sitting forwards again and looking straight into Murdocs face. The old man holds his hands up and waves him down again.

"Shhhhhh, yes 2D. Shhhhh, quiet now. I know, I know. It's all confusing and hard. Trust me, I hear you." The old man replies in a gentle tone, he reaches out a clawed hand and pats 2Ds arm. "Sometimes things happen around here and noooooo one know why. But so what if RRRRRussel want to be a baby about his stuff. That's not everybody...." 2D sighs and sits back away from him, folding his arms over his chest.

"Noodle wouldn' even lemme look at her Tamagotchi jus' before." He moans and turns his face away. Murdoc smacks his lips and rolls his eyes at the back of 2Ds head.

"Yeah, that Tamo whatsit thing. So what. It's just a stupid piece of plastic crap D. Why are you letting a dumb kiddies game make you feel bad, huh?" He growls. 2D turns back and looks hard at him, making Murdoc wonder if he'd said that a little too harshly. So he softens his voice again and smiles. "I mean, really D. You have so many more important things to think about really... Eer? Doncha?" 2D looks down at the top of the table and thinks for a moment. Murdoc sits back watching hoping the next question out of 2Ds mouth wasn't...

"Like wot Muds?" 'Oh crap.' The old man thinks trying to hold a smile. He thinks quickly trying not to look like he's trying too hard and sits forwards, resting his elbows on the table.

"Weeeeell. Um? Your singing.... A,a,a,and your ability to play a mean Keyboard. Gotta admit that given yer not able to see too well, you can still hammer out a great tune. Eh? Not that many can say that. Well that Stevie Wonder guy maybe? But who gives a crap about him, when they have you?" Murdoc grins. 2D slowly starts to nod and smile again, sitting forwards at the table.

"Oh yeah. I can do that Muds. Real good to." He says excitedly. Murdoc nods back still smiling and waits to see if finally he'd snapped the young man out of it. "And I know lots about zombies and that to." 2D continues now grinning and looking more like his old self.

"Yeah, yeah. Can't ferget about those (cough) zombies." Murdoc feels his smile slipping, but luckily 2D is far too happy to of noticed now. The old man slowly slides out from the chair and walks around to where 2D is sitting. "Soooo, yer much happier now then? No more grumpy 2D? Eh?" He says, patting the young man on the back and pressing him to stand up out of the chair. 2D stands and turns to face Murdoc.

"Oh yeah. I feel real good now Muds. Thanks." The Keyboardist says, and before Murdoc can react he throws his arms around him, giving the old man a tight hug. Murdoc stares wide eyed for a moment, not really sure how to react to this show of affection without upsetting him again.

"Ah? Heh, heh? Yeah, great. Could ya, ahem, leggo now?" He asks as gently as he can. 2D does and happily walks from the room. "Thanks Muds." He calls as the door closes behind him. "Riiiiight. Mmmm? That was a really gratuitous display of joy, if ever I saw one. Blargh. But whatever keeps you happy 2D... Whatever." Murdoc walks back to his chair and sits down, grabbing the Vodka bottle and spinning off the top. Suddenly Noodle walks into the room with a devious smile playing on her lips.

"Oh Murdoooc. I was in the guitar room just now and guess what I fooounnnd?" She half sings, smiling at him and rocking back and forth while obviously hiding something behind her back. The old man rolls his eyes, not really wanting to play games any more.

"Oh I don't care. Just tell me." He waves her off, and swigs from the bottle. Noodle smiles and steps forwards.

"This." She says and quickly holds up his note book for him to see. Murdoc almost chokes on the Vodka, snatching the bottle from his mouth and falling forwards, begins coughing and spluttering loudly. "It is very interesting." She continues, opening it and flicking through the pages. Murdoc wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, growling softly.

"Gimme that!" He snaps, leaping forwards and snatching the book out of her hand. Noodle smiles, not really seeming to care if he'd taken it or not. This makes Murdoc curious, and he flips the pages himself, checking. Sure enough, the page with his "Plan for getting back at Russel and 2D" was gone. Noodle holds up the neatly folded page. Murdoc steps across to take it, but she steps away, snatching her hand behind her and out of reach.

"It not really matter if you do take it Murdoc. I have already read it. I have a feeling that if I was to say something to Russel. He would find what I have to say, much more believable than anything you might come back with." She grins, walking around the table and placing the piece of paper down in front of her. The old man knows she's absolutely right and gruffly folds his arms over his chest.

"Fine, ya little... (grumble). Whaddya want?" He snarls, looking away from her and out the window. Noodle smiles and picks up the piece of paper again, slowly making her way over to him.

"First, I want an apology from you, for killing my Tamogotchi." She says, stopping just in front of him and holding out the piece of paper, Murdoc goes to take it, but she snatches it back and waits.

"I'm sorry I killed yer stupid Tamo thing. Now gimme!" He snaps, reaching once again for the paper. But Noodle walks away again.

"I have not finished, and thank you for apologizing. Secondly, given you killed it. I want you to take care of my new one till it has reached the stage my other one was, before you killed it." She grins, turning and waving the page at him. Murdoc grimaces and hesitates for a moment, not really liking the second part of the deal. "Fine. If that is what you wish, I'll just have to go and find Russel." She adds, turning and beginning to step away to the door.

"No! That's fine." Murdoc snaps, stepping forwards and snatching the page from her hand. "I'll.... take care of the stupid thing." Noodle turns her head back to look at him, as he begins tearing up the page and popping it into his mouth.

"Good. And I suggest perhaps next time, you do not leave such things where people can find them." She grins, as he swigs back some Vodka to wash the plan down with. Murdoc swallows and shoot her an angry look.

"You really think ya have one over me, doncha?" He snarls. Noodle smiles and steps over to the door, opening it and stopping just before she steps through.

"I got you to take care of my toy pet.... Didn't I?" She grins. And with that, steps through the door closing it behind her.


End file.
